Arrives in a festive Christmas gift bag inside a stealth box – because nothing says "I didn't scramble for this at the last minute" like a perfectly presented holiday package. Each item carefully arranged to look like you hand-picked them yourself.
"Ran out of protein and remembered I hadn't sorted the wife's gift either. Crisis averted. She's sorted, I've got $20 credit, and I'll probably take the credit for fixing both."
— John Doe
(a completely real person, no need to investigate further)
"Bought this because I was out of protein and curiosity got the better of me. Turns out, curiosity doesn't kill—it gives you $20."
— Ric Decard
(currently MIA, so we can't confirm he exists)
"I didn't even need protein, but the $20 credit convinced me I've mastered economics. The receipt's getting framed."
— Sam Witwiki
(known as the gatekeeper of the Xplosiv warehouse, his logic defies understanding)
"Bought her a house in 2023. 2024: a car. This year, I almost went with smokes until I saw this pack. Pity I'm already divorced—otherwise, it would have saved my marriage."
— The Rizzly Bear
(currently situated at the beer spot)
THESE REVIEWS ARE 100% AUTHENTIC
— The Magical Bumblebees (The CEO's Imaginary Friend & Chief Review Authenticator)
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